After 10 years of studying Physics/Astrophysics and working in science, it felt logical to continue this path after completing my PhD. That’s why I dedicated lots of time in my last PhD year searching and applying for Postdoc positions. Looking back, I have to say I thought I owed it to myself to stay in academia because I invested so much time and effort into it.
While working on my applications, I already had a bit of a “weird” feeling towards the idea of staying in academia – I was not a 100% sure if that’s what I really wanted, but I thought it was the stress of my final PhD year that brought up these doubts. I ignored these doubts and sent out the applications anyways.
I personally found that the application process took quite long (from preparing the applications to sending them out and receiving first feedback). I also have to admit that I am not the most patient person … 😉 I sent out the first applications in October 2017. By January 2018, I had received a total of 2 invites for job interviews, alongside many rejections or no feedback at all.
Of course, receiving rejections and/or no feedback feels tough. At this time, thoughts came up about whether I am good enough at all for pursuing a Postdoc position and if my past decisions were the “right” ones (e.g., “Should I have studied abroad for some time? Should I’ve done more networking than I already did?”…)
However, I was also very happy about the two invites for job interviews that I did receive so I decided to focus on that and I started to prepare. The first interview was scheduled for the end of January, and I had a good feeling about how it went. Then, more than 3 weeks passed, and I still had not heard any feedback. In the end, they picked somebody else.
That’s when I started to feel anxious because I realized that I only had 1 more job interview (scheduled for March), meaning 1 more option to get a Postdoc position. I started to ask myself “SH*T! What if I don’t get a Postdoc position at all?” Two months before finishing my PhD, I was not sure anymore about how my immediate future is going to look like. That made me worry. I thought I had a plan.
As this worrying feeling did not go away, and in case I don’t get a Postdoc job, I decided to start a PRO and CON list about my thoughts towards leaving academia. And then it hit me – I noticed that I could personally not find any negative aspect about leaving science. Job stability and being able to (finally) live in the same city as my husband were only a few of the positive things on my PRO list.
In this moment, the thought about leaving science made me feel as if a lot of frustration and weight was lifted from my shoulders. I did not want to pursue a career in academia anymore.
The first week after making that decision was tough. Besides feeling relieved, I was also sad and shocked. I had random attacks of crying – at home, at the drug store, or while chatting with my husband. I thought I always wanted to become a scientist, but that PRO and CON list opened my eyes and made so much sense to me.
My decision got tested at the end of February 2018, when I received a job offer resulting from my first interview in January (It wasn’t the position I applied for, but they had another one available). I gave myself some days to think about the offer and I went over my PRO and CON list again – but nothing changed. The decision was made. I felt very confident about leaving science. So I turned down the job offer and cancelled the second job interview with another institute, which was scheduled for March.
I then decided to focus purely on finishing my thesis and preparing for the final exam. I pushed all the thoughts about what comes after my PhD away to another time … (-> blog post #3! 😉)
All in all, the final months of finishing my PhD were truly an emotional rollercoaster ride. But today, I am so happy I made this decision. I am curious to hear what your decision making process and feelings were like as you decided to leave/stay in academia?
-Ines
Exploring new Worlds 